Is this the year you will finally catch that magical creature?

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Image created with Canva

With any luck, your child will not remember the holiday and you will not actually have to help build a leprechaun trap.

Watch your kid’s eyes light up. Sigh, and make a mental note to cancel your cable subscription and from now on only let your child play with kids from screen-free households.

Get 1 million results recommending you construct what amounts to a complex Rube Goldberg machine from materials that must be special ordered and will arrive in 4–6 months. Print out a picture of the simplest-looking trap and hand it to your child. Watch as everything around you…


Podcasts, books, and other resources to help you navigate traditional book publishing

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Photo by author

In an attempt to prep for the launch of my upcoming book, I’ve been doing research about book launches and marketing. There is a ton of stuff out there, so I thought it could be helpful to outline some resources for other writers.

I started looking into a lot of these sources once I had an offer for my book, but I think I would have benefitted from exploring a lot of them when I was earlier in the process, so even if you are just at the…


Don’t let a meaningless existence stop you from making resolutions!

By: Julie Vick and Sue D. Gelber

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Photo by freestocks.org from Pexels
  1. Exercise more! Running on a machine that goes nowhere will remind you that you are just a cog in a wheel. Plus, if you trip and fall off the treadmill, your roommates will laugh, creating a fleeting moment of joy in an otherwise bleak existence.
  2. Reduce your carbon footprint! Traveling less will help the earth heal, prolonging the pointlessness of human existence. Also, even after selling off your childhood collection of Beanie Babies, you can’t really afford to travel.
  3. Resolve to keep your inbox clear and empty. Like your inner life.
  4. Declutter! Purge…


My 2020 submitting and writing stats

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Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

[I am imagining the title being sung to the tunes of The Octonaut’s “Creature Report!” but if you have somehow not been watching this television show for children, I guess that won’t make sense.]

It’s that time of year again when I look back at my writing hits and misses for the year. I’ve been doing these roundups the past few years, and you can find last year’s report here. …


First, just sort through these 10,000 ideas

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Image Source: Pixabay
  1. Check email. Receive 500 ideas on how to entertain kids.
  2. Check social media. See 1000 ideas on how to entertain kids.
  3. Check the front door. Find it wallpapered with notes on what to do at home with kids.
  4. Check the web. Read articles saying if you don’t have some sort of schedule, your kid’s only college hopes will rest on you acquiring a lot of money and learning how to Photoshop your child into crew team photos.
  5. Keep scrolling.
  6. Read articles about how you should just let kids lie around and have unlimited screen time and not worry about them…


Work-from-home sign-offs for you to laugh at but not actually use

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Photo by BRUNO CERVERA on Unsplash

Are you practicing social distancing by working from home or avoiding work-related meetings, handshakes, and people? If so, you’re probably sending a lot of emails. Sure the standard “Thanks for your time” and “Best regards” sign-offs probably still work, but here are some more entertaining ideas:

  1. “Thanks for your distance,”
  2. “Take care not to touch your face,”
  3. “Looking forward to seeing your child give you bunny ears on Zoom again next week,”
  4. “Virtual elbow bump,”
  5. “Sincerely need to find a store in the area that still has toilet paper if you happen to know of one,”
  6. “Best hand washes,”
  7. “Best…


Both parents and children will love our “scream out your feelings” room

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Illustration by Emily Clouse

Welcome to Toddler Restaurant, where everything is designed with our most discriminating young guests in mind. No more uncomfortable seating arrangements or worries about other patrons staring at you while you blend a clump of mashed potatoes into your hair.

Here at Toddler Restaurant, we strive to meet your very specific and constantly evolving needs.

Guests are free to wear a range of attire from superhero costumes to pajamas or that empty box you found in the recycling. Shirts and pants are always optional.

We have a variety of eclectic options to choose from. Our Over and Under Room allows…


How cold querying led me to my agent

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Photo by Curtis Potvin on Unsplash

I am pretty obsessed with reading people’s stories of how they got their literary agents. I liked reading them before I got my agent and now that I have one, I am still pretty interested in what seems like a semi-mysterious process in a writer’s life.

I’ve heard stories of writers being contacted by agents after viral pieces, and these stories are very cool, but alas, are not something that happened to me. Trying to write something that will go viral and catch the attention of agents is not necessarily the best plan because a) turns out you can not…


A report on submissions, rejections, and some Medium stats for the year

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Photo by Maciej Ostrowski on Unsplash

For the past few years, I’ve been doing a year-end writing round-up/goal setting post, and it’s time for the 2019 edition. You can find the 2018 version here.

So first up — submission totals. I write humor, travel, and an assortment of random other things. Some things (like humor and essays) are typically submitted as full pieces. Other things (articles and travel pieces) are typically pitches. So this reflects a combination of the two. This year’s numbers:

  • Submissions: 93 — Some of these were pitches that contained more than one idea and many were pitching/submitting the same idea to multiple…


Some things to keep in mind when watching Baby Yoda

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Image by Felix Hu from Pixabay

Dear Stranger Who I Have Entrusted With Watching Baby Yoda:

Thank you for agreeing to watch the young one. As you can see, he is an exceptionally charming child, but you must not let those big brown eyes talk you into letting him get away with everything.

First, you should know that Baby Yoda is a bit of a challenging eater. I know that Happiest Baby in the Galaxy recommends children eat pureed foods at this age, but he mostly prefers raw, live frogs. …

Julie Vick

Writer | Humor Book: Babies Don’t Make Small Talk (So Why Should I?) forthcoming in 2021 | Read more and sign up for my newsletter at http://julievick.com

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