Both parents and children will love our “scream out your feelings” room

Welcome to Toddler Restaurant, where everything is designed with our most discriminating young guests in mind. No more uncomfortable seating arrangements or worries about other patrons staring at you while you blend a clump of mashed potatoes into your hair.

Here at Toddler Restaurant, we strive to meet your very specific and constantly evolving needs.

Dress Code

Guests are free to wear a range of attire from superhero costumes to pajamas or that empty box you found in the recycling. Shirts and pants are always optional.

Seating

We have a variety of eclectic options to choose from. Our Over and Under Room allows…


There are a wide variety of places to submit humor writing and having a go-to list of publications can help you keep the ball rolling with getting your writing out there. As with any other writing submissions, you should spend some time reading these publications and their submission guidelines to get a feel for the type of humor they publish before submitting. Before you submit, it’s also worth doing a quick search on the site to make sure the piece you are writing hasn’t already been written.

Not all humor publications pay, but I’ve put a dollar symbol near those…


Is this the year you will finally catch that magical creature?

1. When March arrives, don’t mention St. Patrick’s Day, leprechauns, or Lucky Charms.

With any luck, your child will not remember the holiday and you will not actually have to help build a leprechaun trap.

2. Fail to turn off the TV before a Lucky Charms commercial comes on.

Watch your kid’s eyes light up. Sigh, and make a mental note to cancel your cable subscription and from now on only let your child play with kids from screen-free households.

3. Search for “simple leprechaun traps” on Pinterest.

Get 1 million results recommending you construct what amounts to a complex Rube Goldberg machine from materials that must be special ordered and will arrive in 4–6 months. Print out a picture of the simplest-looking trap and hand it to your child. Watch as everything around you…


Podcasts, books, and other resources to help you navigate traditional book publishing

In an attempt to prep for the launch of my upcoming book, I’ve been doing research about book launches and marketing. There is a ton of stuff out there, so I thought it could be helpful to outline some resources for other writers.

I started looking into a lot of these sources once I had an offer for my book, but I think I would have benefitted from exploring a lot of them when I was earlier in the process, so even if you are just at the…


Don’t let a meaningless existence stop you from making resolutions!

By: Julie Vick and Sue D. Gelber

  1. Exercise more! Running on a machine that goes nowhere will remind you that you are just a cog in a wheel. Plus, if you trip and fall off the treadmill, your roommates will laugh, creating a fleeting moment of joy in an otherwise bleak existence.
  2. Reduce your carbon footprint! Traveling less will help the earth heal, prolonging the pointlessness of human existence. Also, even after selling off your childhood collection of Beanie Babies, you can’t really afford to travel.
  3. Resolve to keep your inbox clear and empty. Like your inner life.
  4. Declutter! Purge…


My 2020 submitting and writing stats

[I am imagining the title being sung to the tunes of The Octonaut’s “Creature Report!” but if you have somehow not been watching this television show for children, I guess that won’t make sense.]

It’s that time of year again when I look back at my writing hits and misses for the year. I’ve been doing these roundups the past few years, and you can find last year’s report here. …


First, just sort through these 10,000 ideas

  1. Check email. Receive 500 ideas on how to entertain kids.
  2. Check social media. See 1000 ideas on how to entertain kids.
  3. Check the front door. Find it wallpapered with notes on what to do at home with kids.
  4. Check the web. Read articles saying if you don’t have some sort of schedule, your kid’s only college hopes will rest on you acquiring a lot of money and learning how to Photoshop your child into crew team photos.
  5. Keep scrolling.
  6. Read articles about how you should just let kids lie around and have unlimited screen time and not worry about them…


Work-from-home sign-offs for you to laugh at but not actually use

Are you practicing social distancing by working from home or avoiding work-related meetings, handshakes, and people? If so, you’re probably sending a lot of emails. Sure the standard “Thanks for your time” and “Best regards” sign-offs probably still work, but here are some more entertaining ideas:

  1. “Thanks for your distance,”
  2. “Take care not to touch your face,”
  3. “Looking forward to seeing your child give you bunny ears on Zoom again next week,”
  4. “Virtual elbow bump,”
  5. “Sincerely need to find a store in the area that still has toilet paper if you happen to know of one,”
  6. “Best hand washes,”
  7. “Best…


How cold querying led me to my agent

I am pretty obsessed with reading people’s stories of how they got their literary agents. I liked reading them before I got my agent and now that I have one, I am still pretty interested in what seems like a semi-mysterious process in a writer’s life.

I’ve heard stories of writers being contacted by agents after viral pieces, and these stories are very cool, but alas, are not something that happened to me. Trying to write something that will go viral and catch the attention of agents is not necessarily the best plan because a) turns out you can not…

Julie Vick

Writer | Humor Book: Babies Don’t Make Small Talk (So Why Should I?) forthcoming in 2021 | Read more and sign up for my newsletter at http://julievick.com

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